Jumanji House

Due to the fact that I seem incapable of keeping an up-to-date sequential blog I will attempt to record this experience in Africa topically.

This post is dedicated to my current residence. We call it "Churchill Mansion" because it is this huge house on the hill right across from the LDS branch building where we attend church and it's near a hotel called Churchill Courts. We have also referred to it as a haunted mansion. Let me explain.

When we first got to Gulu we were staying in this place called Cosmo Guest House in the Center of Town. It wasn't bad- they had free Omelets and toast every morning plus unlimited access to toilet paper and hot showers if you planned ahead right. The downside was that the room was tiny, Lori and I had to share a small bed that sloped down in the middle so that it was a constant effort to keep any space between us and it was just as expensive as staying somewhere bigger in the long run.

Cosmo Guest House

So we started looking for places. We asked the senior missionaries here, the Taylors who we quickly became friends with. They got into a funny situation with a broker showing them around and increasing the money chain. They showed us one of the places they found though which they called 'The Palace.' Oh boy, it really was a palace! It was out far away from town so we would have had to get bikes to go back and forth but it was super nice with a guard and a wonderful view of the countryside. Lori and I felt weird about it though because it was just too nice. We called a random number we saw on the side of the road advertising houses- bad idea. It was just another broker who wanted money from us. When we finally told Rom (our sales manager and my friend of about 3 years) about our situation he swooped in and fixed it all for us. He set it up so that we could see a house that one of the MPs (member of parliament) owned but wasn't using in Senior Quarters, a nice part of town.

Sketchy number we called. The guy who met up with us kept telling us how much he wanted to marry a white woman. 

We got there and I was NOT impressed. It's this big house (well very big for Africa not actually THAT big) but with a huge, tiered lawn and so that's cool. But the inside was TRASHED. There were random clothes and stuff and a huge dead bug in the shower and the bed was used and it was just gross. I was like ....... not feeling it.

Well, long story short beggars can't be choosers and that house actually ended up being the one that worked out. We had spent so many days and so much energy calling people and trying to make something happen that we were just ecstatic to move in somewhere other than our increasingly smelly hotel room (we wouldn't leave a key for people to clean it because we didn't want our stuff to get stolen). So we moved in on a Monday night, I think two weeks ago. We made sure with the housekeeper who lives in a hut right next to the house outside the gate that she had washed the sheets on the bed. She said she had but she doesn't speak much English so, I don't think she lied exactly but subsequent experience has unearthed evidence that probably those sheets were not washed.

As night fell, we had the lights in the house on and we started noticing huge moths about three or four inches long. They were lazy, lilting, moths and Lori easily walked around stepping on them to kill them. But it seemed that for every moth killed two more magically appeared! It was freaky but Lori told me to stop yelping. So when I went to the bathroom and closed the door I very calmly opened it again to tell Lori that there was a lizard behind the door. Ever the calm warrior, Lori grabbed a cup or something to trap the lizard in and made an attempt. Unfortunately the lizard scuttled into our room and disappeared. There was a major ant infestation behind the small sink in the living room. We didn't think too much of it and we weren't planning on sweeping up the moths until the next morning since it was getting late but then we realized that a SWARM of ants had surrounded one of the dead moths near Lori's chair and were preparing to carry it away. This sent Lori on a toilet paper mission to pick up all the dead moths and throw them outside. I grabbed the broom and started sweeping the ants in different directions trying to confuse their collective memory.

We were like "where are these things coming from?!" and then I looked up and there was this huge square hole in the ceiling of the hallway. We were like you'vegottabekiddingme (we've since found out that's actually kind of normal). But it's also worth mentioning that this house has no hot water, no stove or oven and the kitchen sink doesn't work 98% of the time. Oh and also it cost 1.3 million. Shillings.

Well, we locked ourselves in for the night by literally locking the gates of our house together with a chain link and external lock. We set up our mosquito net tent and slept on top of the disgusting blanket. Somehow, irrational as it is, we felt safe from the moths and ants and the lizard inside that mosquito net. I was scared of the house though and when we woke up in the morning to the cheery African sunshine, without incident it felt like a minor miracle that we had survived the first night in what had turned out to be a freakin Jumanji house.

Our cozy bed. There are actually two bedrooms in the house but the other bedroom is creepy.
 So we both just sleep in here.

Since that crazy evening, things have gotten better at the haunted Churchill Mansion. We found the lizard agin and Lori caught it and forced it outside. There are two more lizards in the house, though. The moths have gone away. We found a dead beetle in the corner randomly. The ants were getting ready to carry it away but we put a stop to that. Another day I got up after Lori. When I opened the bedroom door I saw another one of those dead beetles in front of me. I told Lori and, good friend that she is, she grabbed some toilet paper to pick it up and throw it away. To my horror the bug scuttled away when she reached for it and ran under our bed. I was subsequently afraid to stand near the bed-though strangely still felt pretty much fine in bed.

I would say the crowning asset of this mansion of ours is that this morning I wasn't feeling good so I stayed in bed for awhile. I felt something under the sheets. It was small and square shaped. I pulled it out from under the bed sheet- yep. It was unopened condemn. Just hanging out in bed with us. It wouldn't seem like that big a deal except that...those sheets probably weren't washed...after someone had sex in that bed! (Insert mental image of me vomiting).

Anyway, that is the story of how Lori and I came to be living in a house that is simultaneously too nice and too crappy for a couple of American students.

Gnarly grasshopper in our yard. That thing was huge! 

Huge caterpillar on the street- just to give a sense of the size of things here

I felt kind of sick today but didn't want to hang out in the condemn bed so I went outside and this is a picture of our patio roof with the huge radio tower next to it. This is right about the place where I sat on a bee. Yep that happened. I panicked and had to moon Lori so she could take a look at my butt and make sure the stinger wasn't stuck in there! #bonding

Our top of the line stove. We have a lighter and some charcol and some kerosene. That's a yard landscapping pot type thing that we tipped over to and the fire goes inside of it. Takes awhile for things to boil. 

Basically, life is awesome! I'm scared of my own floor, the couch smells terrible and I've taken to not closing the door when I go to the bathroom because I like to have an escape route!