Thursday, January 31, 2013

Words of Wisdom from my Home-Teachers

So I had a very long day today and was still on campus when my roommate called me to remind me that my home teachers were coming over. For any non-Mormons reading this, home-teachers are two random guys who live in your church congregation who are assigned to be your friends. They are supposed to visit every month and share a gospel message.

Tonight they made us hamburgers with mashed potatoes! Because 4 months ago at the beginning of the school year, we told them it was our favorite food! So that was kind of fun. Then we all sat around eating and talking and I asked them if they had any mission advice for me. It turned into a litany of mantras passed back and forth for about 30 minutes between the two of them. The advice they were giving was just too good to not write down. So here they are. Some are serious, some are funny. Some are blatant rip offs from famous people in authority.


-A clean apartment is a happy apartment.

-Buy your food together, and cook together. Don’t ever cook alone.

-You will cry.

-Don’t have a boyfriend while you are on your mission.

-Keep your heart locked and your windows open.

-Follow your gut instinct, 90% of the time it is the spirit and the other 10% is good practice.

-Look at people deep into their eyes until you see the child of god in them.

-Don’t brag about your accomplishments at home. Because nobody cares.

-Be obedient. Just don’t be good at being obedient.

-Be an animal not a robot.

-Be obedient, don’t force obedience on others.

-James E Faust once said “Faith is the power, obedience is the price, the spirit is the key, Christ is the reason, love is the motive of missionary work.”

-Charity never faileth—that’s a great motive. It never fails.

-Internalize chapters 3, 8 and 11 of preach my gospel.

-Use the scriptures. If you don’t, it’s like telling Nephi, no! I got this!

-Preach my gospel…that is the scriptures. Just kidding. That’s a joke.

-Respect your mission leaders. Don’t make their life a living heck like all the other sister missionaries.

-If you have a problem, first pray about it. Then talk to your companion before talking to any authority figure.

-Pray right after you shower. Otherwise you will fall asleep on your knees.

-This might sound crude, but enjoy any time in the shower or on the toilet because it’s the only time you are ever alone and don’t have some weirdo next to you.

-Pray out loud in the shower.

-Teach people, not lessons.

-Don’t follow your lesson plans exactly.

-Don’t look at your watch throughout the day.

-Don’t calculate at all. Just don’t calculate. You will go into spiraling depression.

-Don’t expect big things on holidays. Expect to cry on Christmas Eve.

-Don’t feel bad if you sneak out to watch the fireworks.

-If you need to, take a break and buy a bagel or something. Go to a bakery. It’s warm there.

-Remember obedience is the first law of everything and the difference between a 100% obedient missionary and a 90% obedient missionary is not 10%. Mind blown.

-Respect your senior companion. You will be a senior companion one day. And you will be grateful when your companion obeys you and submits himself to your will.

-Remember perfect worship of Christ is emulation. I have a poem I’d like to read now.

-Talk to everyone.

-Follow the spirit even if it doesn’t make any logical sense. The spirit defies logic.

-If you follow a prompting and it doesn’t lead anywhere, don’t lose confidence in your ability to follow the spirit.

-I think this counts as a lesson.

-Don’t ever think you’re smart. Like bible bashing? It’s bad.

-The biggest problem you will come across is not enemies of the church, but apathy. Yeah, yeah? (Fist-punch).

-Diligence is an outward expression of your love for the savior.

-Read chapter 4 and 6 over and over again and take the self-quizzes. At the end you can rate yourself for your Christ-like attributes and then you will have ratings. Like, yeah! I have a 6.7 charity! Man, my charity was always really low…

-Find ways to entertain yourself. My companion and I printed out a bunch of tiny pictures of ourselves and every time we went on exchanges we would just hide them all over their apartment. Last month at our mission reunion this other guy came up to me with a mini picture of me and said he found it in his wallet a week ago.

-One time, we decided to make a chocolate temple with these candy bars. So I made a foundation and brought it to district meeting and we sang ‘How Firm a Foundation” and I unveiled it and then Zach picked it up and broke the foundation.

-If you ever have a bad day, make crepes at night. Crepes are the best by far. They make you feel so good and they are so fun to make. We used to listen to the Wicked soundtrack while we made them. Now I know that whole thing in German.

-It’s good to have traditions with your companions.

-Take the time to be friends with the members, but make sure they still respect you as a missionary. Be a friend but not a buddy. Hahaha….leadership handbook. 

-On exchanges, always make a candle-lit dinner for your exchange companion. He will love you forever. And then he’ll say something really inappropriate.

-Don’t have P-day be the focus of your week…even though that’s impossible. But try.

-Celebrate P-day eve. IT’S THE BEST. P-day eve is the best day of the week.

-When you’re teaching people, don’t have your main motivation be to get them baptized but to help them.

-Talk to people as yourself from the heart, not just Preach my Gospel.

-Use object lessons. But KNOW what you are doing beforehand. Remember that one time…?

-Get the gospel art book. It’s the best. You’ll be so crave to look at images.

-Buy nutella, then make a crepe and wrap it ice cream. This is no longer mission advice. This is just life advice. 





I love my home teachers.

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